Why Fight When You Can't Be Born?
by Joseph Vows
Summary: A non existent soul, a neverending stair, a crippling voice, an eternal name....  Rated M for violence, gore, and language
1. No Existence

Why Fight When You Can't Be Born?

* * *

_Why do you resist?_

Because it is my choice!

I slashed through the damning darkness that surrounded me as I worked my way up the silver stair.

_Why do you choose to fight when you can never be born?_

Because I CAN be born, and i will never give up my struggle, i must prevail, I will prevail because if i do not there is nothing else for me!

_Such spirit...the darkness shall break you._

I kept running up the stair, step after step after endless step, the stair seemed never to end, and that door at the top always seeming to get close and then shrink away, trying to crush my spirit.

You will not end my struggle, it will become my all consuming reality!

_Fool. You have no conception of what your struggle is, birth is something your chosen for. You were not, so you will die, no you will never be born, so you may never have the chance to die, you will always run up this endless stair, hopelessly contemplating your entry into a world that will always pass you by._

You know nothing of me!

_I am you, foolish spirit._

Then you to are a foolish spirit.

I climbed faster, forcing the door to grow and become closer as my legs carried me towards it. I was now holding a silver blade, a standard broad sword of sorts, it had become my soul, my weapon, the extention of my dream, soon to become a reality.

_Your life will never be, you will never be, I will never be, WE will never exist._

Close your mouth, foolish wretch, you will not blind me with your liquid impudence!

_But I have blinded you, you have become tired, your arm has become heavy with the wielding of that sword, it will be the end of you, fool._

My name is not fool, wretched ghost!

_You have no name, fool is the title that every non existent being has assigned to you, you are alone in your struggle and so your dream will also never be, reality has no tolerance for such a puny soul, your courage will end you._

I have a name, damned spirit!

_Humor me, fool._

I grew close now, close enough to touch. I reached out with my cloaked hand, nearly touching the handle. But I could not bring my hand close enough, the stair of the brightest luster collapsed below me and my hand grabbed only air as I fell, fell for ages down the stair I had climbed for an eternity, but I would not fall forever. I finally hit ground, and i hit hard, skidding across the silver floor, grasping my sword tightly.

_Ha, fool, see now? your struggle is futile, you have no name, you will never be born!_

I gripped my blade and raised my broken body from the floor, staring at the stair, seemingly endless with a door at the top that seemed an eternity away, and with a burning determination present in my non existent heart and soul, I spoke.

"My name is Tamren."


	2. Would you like me to continue?

Hello, everyone. Just need to ask a question on this particular story. At this point there are two simple options.

Option 1. Continue the sory

Option 2. Let it stay the way it is.

I value all my readers opinions, I just need some help on this one little subject. Thank you all.

-Twilit Avenger


	3. Breakaway Eternity

Why Fight When You Cant Be Born?

Chapter 2. Breakaway Presence

AN: After getting some opinions from my fans I now believe that this tory would be best if it were continued upon. So thereofre, here is the second chapter...

* * *

_Tamren is it? You are so dellusional._

I heeded not the words of the infernal voice, for it, being a part of me, only spoke negativity of my actions, so i took another step.

_You cannot continue like this alone, you realize, don't you?_

You don't exist any more than i do, damned voice, so I suggest that you be quiet before I tear out your non existent tongue!

I was filled with rage but I could not let such a foul feeling overcome me, I needed to keep my resolve strong, I took yet another step and I continued in this pattern for a while until I was at the first step.

_Tamren wait, your going to destroy yourself, your bones are weak, your breathing, raspy, your flesh, pale, you cannot possibly do this again_

Have you a better idea? Please, I'm open to suggestions.

_Tamren, you are correct, I am as much a part of you as that sword, so like that sword, i am going to aid you..._

In what way, voice?

_And do not address me as Voice, from here on, you are to call me by Shadow_

Very well, SHADOW, in what manner do you intend to help me?

I felt a sudden presence circle me, a dark presence, and with split determination, I whirred around and came face to face with Shadow, my conscious, for the first time. He was as tall as me and had short, blue hair that was long in the front but short in the back. He wore a white cloak that almost seemed to shine.

So this is your physical form, is it, Shadow?

_I am no more physical than you, Tamren, and we both have no existence on any plane but this one, this is the 'Plane of Nothingness', and that is the 'Stair of Eternity'_

He spoke in a deep tone that sounded like mine only a fraction darker, and for the strangest reason, it was soothing.

_Focus, Tamren_

Right, are you going to help me gain passage to existence or not, Shadow?

_Tamren...do you know who inhabits this plane? Only those who were once in existence but are no longer_

How is it possoble to end someones complete existence? I don't think even death can make such a boast.

_The only way you can exist on any plane but this one is in the hearts of everyone you've ever known_

So what your saying is that someone stole the memories of me from all my loved ones? And if so, where did they all go?

Shadow looked down at the silver floor and shifted, uncomfortably.

_I am your memories, they are locked away inside me, but to you, i will not give them, I apologize, but if I were to give any, you would inadvertently take them all away and I would exist no longer, condemned to be locked away here for eternity..._

I understood his point of view, even if the memories themselves weren't his, they still felt real to him, and I could never take that away from him, nor did I want to.

_For the length of time Ive been here already, alonside you, I have only been able to materialize a single item, once you glance upon this item, this stair will open to you, and once you open that door, you will be tested, if you are deemed worthy, you will be given the chance to gain back your existence with me by your side, or rather within you_

What is the item?

_Are you sure you are ready for the task, Tamren? It will be a near impossible thing to do, are you prepared to risk it all for yourself to be able to exist?_

I was at a loss for words, he almost made me seem selfish, but I would not fail in this, for it was my all consuming ambition, my ideal, my overwhelming mission, an errand that needed to be run...an eternity that needed to be renewed...

I am ready, but not only for myself will i do this, but also for you, let me gaze upon the object, Shadow.

_Very well, Tamren, but never forget, I am your conscious, you cannot escape me, we may be separate now, but one day we will be one and you will have to learn to live with that_

He spoke as if to a brother or a son, and as his words ceased, he reached into his robes and retrieved a small, square piece of paper with printing on the back and a picture on the front.

This is...!

The picture consisted four children that couldnt be a day over 15. The child at the far right was a tall, silver haired boy who wore a yellow shirt with crossed suspenders that led down to his denim pants, which were tied at the bottom, his eyes burned with the color of the sea. To the left of him was a smiling girl with short, rose colored hair, she wore a white tank top with a short pink mini-skirt, her eyes were also a strange blue. To the left of her was a goofy looking boy with long, spiky, and unkempt brown hair that spiked up in every direction, he wore puffy red shorts and a red undershirt that was covered by a black and white sweater-vest, his eyes were the same as the other two. When my eyes fell upon the fourth child, I felt a small pang of rememberance, but immediately shook it off. He had jet black hair that was short in the back but long in the front and he had blue bangs, he wore long, dark black pants with many loops and zippers riddling it, and with those pants he wore a a t-shirt that looked like it was made of belts and it had long black sleeves with holes that his thumbs popped through. One eye was colored blue like the sea, but the other was crimson. I turned the photo over and looked at the caption, I almost fell into tears...

**_"No matter how far away we are, we will never forget..." -Sora, Kairi, Riku, Tamren_**

_This is an outdated photo that I materialized...maybe a year, in universal time, ago. This is what your group of friends would have looked like if you had not been erased from their hearts..._

Before I could speak of reply at all, my silver blade began to stir.

What is happening, Shadow?

_The time has come, Tamren, for you to open the door, now, lets's proceed..._

Shadow spoke hurriedly now, but his eyes belied his panic, they were cold and almost lifeless, but he seemed to be fine so I followed him up the stair and to the door. With sweaty palms I advanced on the door, wrapping my hand around the uniquely shaped handle. And without a moments hesitation, I turned the knob and burst forth, and I was met by a blinding light...


	4. Vicarious

Why Fight When You Can't Be Born?

Chapter 3. Vicarious

elfanyan: I appreciate both your compliments and constructive criticism, I look forward to hearing more of your feedback, and as a favor, I will gladly look at your creations and dote upon you my opinions. Thank you for the reviews...

AN: I apologize for how long this took, it was not my original intention to be dalayed so much, but I am here now and I am ready to supply more to my fans, so here is the third chapter of Why Fight When You Cant Be Born.

* * *

As the blinding light subsided, I stood in impenetrable darkness, my eyes were open but I could see nothing. 

"Shadow?" I spoke. My voice sounded shaky, like I had never used it before.

But I received no answer, no manor of word or phrase from anywhere. Instead, I saw a small blinking light underneath me, which I stared at with growing interest. But as soon and I bent to touch it, the dot exploded into a giant stanied glass platform holding the forms of all the inhabitants in the picture as well as Shadow. In the way the dot had expanded, it seemed like the platform had been covered with white feathers and as soon as my hand made contact, they were blown away in a tornado-like wind, which I seemed the center of.

I slowly looked around now, searching for any way to advance, I seen none until three bright shimmers beckoned in front of me, one producing a sword, another a shield, and the last a wand, they all were adorned with a strange mouse-like symbol at one point or another.

**You must choose your weapon, whether it be Strength, Protection, or Mystic Ability...**

The voice spoke ominously as if it's words echoed through eternity with little trouble, I knew not to speak back. So I examined my choices, fight with a sword, shield, or wand? It didn't take long for me to close my hand around the sword and swing it a few times every which way.

**You choose strength above all else, now choose an ability to surrender...**

Without needing much thought, I walked forward and placed my hand on the wand. And as if my hand were an explosive poison, the wand shattered into a million pieces. A sudden burst of light shone from behind me, as i turned I seen a stair way, also of stained glass, with many different creatures of the same dark nature upon them.

**Proceed...**

It boomed in that same, omnicient and close to frightening voice. But I was not shaken, I walked up the plated stair without hesitation, for I knew, fear had no place in my returning heart, not now. And so I advanced to the staircase, taking my first step up.

It is with stoic eyes and mouth that I took the first strike, it seemed to originate from nowhere. And again I was struck, a slicing pain in my chest revealing that I had been slashed. I imagined it must have been dealt by claws, for when I looked down, I seen three bloody tear marks in my dark robes.

_Heartless_

The voice of Shadow reached out to me, intelligibly. I was not about to talk back, I needed no words, for he already knew my thoughts, and the pain that was now coursing throughout my body. My thoughts were suddenly drawn to the blade that I had chosen in the first trial. And with an unconcious motion, I banished the heartless in front of me. But before I could even examine the extent of the wound, another claw skidded across my body, my back this time.

I gasped as I fell to one knee, gripping at my back with my free hand. I wanted to scream but I knew a scream would be too human for something that, thus far, has no existence.

**Protect yourself, foolish boy...**

These words spurred me into an immediate backflip, arcing over the little yellow eyes as I came down with a helm splitter, splattering the heartless like a giant vial of ink. As I stood, I felt a strange enlightenment fall upon me, these things weren't that tough, even now the wounds began to heal.

_We are not who we were before, Tamren, we are something entirely new, our powers have heightened and as such will our magical bounds_

I nodded and stood up all the way, arcing my back to stretch, hearing several cracks mixed with the sound of my disgruntled robes as they lightly scraped along the surface of the stained glass staircase. A sudden realization came over me at that moment; as I had been speaking with Shadow and stretching my weary muscles, I had been surrounded by dozens of little red eyes.

"Shit." I said, raising my sword to block a small set of claws to my right, but now the claws came from all sides and I had to shoot myself up from the darkness, using my legs, before I could think, or see, clearly.

_Remember the magic I spoke of? And do you feel that blazing fire that's burning in your stomach? Lets see how you do..._

He was a cocky sonuvabitch, but he was right, my stomach was on fire and I needed to get that fire out somehow. But how would I be able to do that? Well, i had to try, either way.

As I fell back into the crowd of yellow eyes, I focused on my inner fire and pushed it outward, the end result was not what I had expected. A giant explosion of licking flames burst from my body and engulfed every heartless on the staircase, I might have been able to hear them scream if it weren't for my own ear-shattering yelp as the crimson flames surged from me and all at an instant, I became cold and fell to my knees.

_I've never seen such an expellation of that magnitude from someone so green at magic_

His voice sounded awed, but i knew he was just over-exagerating, I mean, I'd been able to use magic for upwards of 50 seconds before I, for lack of a better phrase, blew up. I didn't understand his logic, but now wasn't quite the time to challenge his statements, seeing as how I needed to get up the staircase.

_And keep in mind, you chose strength, so your fighting abilities will rise much faster than your other abilities, and you gave up the power of the mystic, which means it's going to take a long time before you can control that fire of yours, but the more heartless you slash, block, and burn, the more powerful and mature you and your powers will become, do you understand, Tamren?_

"Yes, Shadow, i understand now. Am I going to have to make anymore choices like the one I just passed?" I asked with mounting interest. But my enthusiasm was left unanswered and all I heard were the sounds of padded feet on the staircase...wait, I wasn't walking, feet on the staircase?! I rounded with a wide arch from my blade and caught swords with a strange creature I'd never seen before; it's base skin, or whatever it was, was silver and it had a strange dark grey helm, but the things I was most worried about were its double blades, one held in it's hand, the other at it's hip, and without warning, it began a lightning fast onslaught against me, I couldn't keep up.

The swordsmans blades cut deep into my robes, digging into my pale skin as it danced around me, chopping me relentlessly with its odd double blades. But a light now resounded from my chest and Shadow burst forth from my body, using a black version of the sword I'd picked as he dodged and parried the swordsman.

_You fool! This is just a nobody, it's nothing even close to a difficult opponent, now get up and fight back_

Even as peeved as he was, Shadow still seemed to sound serene in my head, it gave me confidence as I readied myself. Shadow looked back at me and kicked off the swordsman's chest, vaulting himself back into the gleaming light that now subsided. The swordsman---

_And for God's Sake, it's a samurai_

...The SAMURAI whirled back from the force of Shadows kick but eventually regained itself and burst forth to impale me, to my unrivaled surprise, I jumped to the side, brought my sword down on his and kicked his feet out from under him. With a pulverizing blow to the stomach, compliments of my fist, the samurai dissapeared into blackness.

_Hmm, not bad, Tamren_

I sighed for a moment until I heard a strange noise resonating from my blade, it was changing; iinstead of the lusterless grey blade, a longer, wider, and sharper silver blade shimmered into it's place, the hilt changed into a three pronged dragon's claw that held the blade in place and the handle was the extension of the arm up to the elbow. The first thing I noticed, my sword was now double it's original size, the second thing, it wasn't any heavier, which surprised me. I laughed and flipped it around in my hand several times before latching it to my back with what little mystic power I had left.

_Well, now that is indeed a fine blade, and a fine way of carrying it as well, now, shall we proceed?_

I nodded and started back up the stairs, meeting no opposition along the way. It was all darkness again, even the previous platform and staircase had dissapeared, I seen yet another blinking light and decided to walk over and touch it, producing the same effect except that the wings turned to ash and loomed over the ill-lit platform, ominously. And what I seen in front of me shocked me. Instead of just the original me and Shadow, in front of us were three seperate sets. One set had my hood up with red and black bangs flaring through the opening in the hood, my eyes in this set were a peculiar azure and my cheeks held glowing crimson markings, I had an intelligible but sad look in my eye. And the Shadow of this set had fiery black hair and crimson eyes, that were half closed and looking at the floor, he looked sad.

**Nobody...**

The voice boomed, making a shiver ricket up my spine. I nodded and looked to the second set which looked like the me in the picture, the Shadow behind me was the same as the one I had with me now.

**Paradox...**

I shivered again and nodded, lookign to the last set. My hair in this particular set was black with silver streaks flowing through it, it was styled back with several bangs looming over the sets eyes, which were quite strange, a dark sun sultan color that made my blood boil, this sets smile was crazed and his eyes, even more so. The Shadow behind me looked like a monster, looming forward with sharp teeth and a dark, hellfire tint to his somewhat lifeless eyes.

**Heartless...**

I understood, so I immediately walked for the one in the middle and extended my hand, the me in front of my eyes smiled, lightly, but turned his back and walked into the dark, without me.

**That version of you already exists, you must choose one or the other to pursue that form of you, but be warned, as soon as you leave the body of your nobody or heartless, they will take on their own life, and you will no longer be in control, now choose, Tamren, choose the side you shall take...**

I stepped back, horrified as I stared at the choice that would decide my fate...

AN: So, my wonderful readers, I will let you decide, which should our dear Tamren choose? To be a heartless or to be a nobody? I'll tally the votes in one week and we will see which gets the better of him...


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